Elijah’s Dad

Being a dad is a tough job. It makes you responsible for the well being of people you hardly know but immediately love. Take Elijah for example. Before December 3, 2007 I never met him. I talked about him, threw a party for him, and even named him, but prior to December 3, 2007 I didn’t know him at all. When I did finally meet him I instantly loved him, without hesitation, and have ever since. Same with Gabriel, never met him but as soon as I saw him I was instantly enamored by the very thought of him. Not only have I not known them very long, but they don’t know themselves. As their father I assume the duty of teaching them how to grow into the men that they should be. All the while figuring out how to be the best man I can be, to be a good example for them…#difficult. Then there’s marriage, enough said. Fathers are the faces of their families. Our families embrace both our strengths and weaknesses. If the father is competitive there is a good chance the family will be involved in a lot of sports. If the father is musically talented, then there is a strong possibility the family will be into music. If the father is angry his family will follow suit. If the dad is disorganized his family may have lots of trouble getting ready in the morning because they can’t remember where they put things from the night before (selfie). After 7 years in the game, I’ve learned that my family reflects how I feel about myself, which is scary. The past 3 months I’ve been taking my son to kindergarten which has been awesome, because I enjoy being the first person to pour into his day. However I started noticing his lack of interest in attire, and the way he carried himself. It was really making me worried, I mean I know he’s six but jeez have a little pride. He started doing weird things like asking to wear flannels, and putting stickers on his skin like they were tattoos, and it was then that I realized he was just imitating me and some of the attributes I exhibit. That terrified me because I know some of the things that he’s seen me do, and heard me say, and I know that he may start doing some of those things. I used to really beat myself up about it, in fact sometimes I still do. Then I realize a trait I see in all of the “role model dads” I’ve admired over the years, and that is they never reach a level or plateau of fatherhood. They are always pushing themselves to be better fathers, more involved in their kids lives. More loving to their wives, better listeners, and more open about their successes and their failures. This gave me tons of hope because to me it meant that even though my past as a father is not one I will ever relish in, I still have today to be better. That’s all Elijah is worried about anyway. Am I going to be a daddy he can run to right now, and the answer is yes, I will be.