Been Awhile…

It’s been awhile since I’ve written last, or since the last time that I’ve written.

Nobody reads this, and that used to bother me, but not anymore.

The older that I get my need for validation has grown obsolete. I think that validation and recognition are sicknesses. I suffered from them both.

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Now I am comfortable saying that I can live my life free of fame or recognition. I am not the star of my life….

+Positive Charge +

There has been a lot said about positive thinking. We all know the benefits of it. We all know the awards that we can garner either relationally,spiritually, or commercially. So I won’t waste your time with a long drawn out blog on why you need to stay positive. Go on Google and you will find plenty of other blogs, and articles they can articulate way better than I can why a smile should stay on your face. Let me just speak to you as a guy that has been grumpy for the last 3 months, it’s true. Staying positive really does work and you need to do it. Stop reading and just smile. Smile when you wake up, smile when you get to the office. Smile when your boss says he appreciates your upbeat attitude, and smile on your way to the bank while you cash your check from your new promotion. Yes, so much can be said about positive thinking, but so much more can be said about being positive.

Yup, this is a blog with Full House references…lmbo

Do you remember watching “Full House”? The beginning of the show was always full of jokes (silly uncle Jesse). The middle of the show the plot thickened and the conflict was revealed. However, my favorite part was always the end of the show, where it’s just cheesy dialogue and moving music. I grew up thinking that, that was how life was supposed to be. I think people get lost when they turn what is scripted and edited into reality. I’m pretty sure we’re all guilty of it. In reality I’m finding that the most genuine moments come from broken places in my life. Where there are no scripts, and there is no re-takes.

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Found an excuse to include Full House in my blog! #yes

Big ole’ bucket of Emotion

ImageMaybe it’s just me but it feels like love and hate come from the same place, and the only thing that separating the (2) is choice. I think that’s why I feel so crazy sometimes. They are both extremes love and hate. Neither is rational when everything is subjective. We choose what we love, and what we hate nobody makes us. I keep thinking about that scripture in James ” a double minded man is unstable in all his ways.” I think I’m that man. Inside me there is a hurricane, and I try so hard to keep it in open waters but it always finds its way back to shore. Looking back at all the destruction in my life I’ve been the cause of it all. How do you come back from that? People talk about it being so simple, people that have never been in my shoes. It feels like everyone else has it all figured out, except for me. Like I’m in the deep end of the pool struggling to stay a float and everybody is just watching. Telling me how easy it is to swim but never jumping in to show me how. It’s hard for me to chose. I want to love, but I am filled with hatred. That’s a dilemma. I look at my world and I see people who say they love God judging me, when I know I would never do that to them. I hear rumors and accusations about me, when I thought people we’re supposed to talk to each other about things? It’s like everybody just wrote me off as being to crazy to deal with, or too problematic. When I couldn’t imagine giving up on anybody. Now I have given up on everybody. 

I’m a weirdo

My whole life, I just wanted to be good at something. I tried sports, because I look like I should be good at it. That didn’t work to well. I was never very academic like my sisters or good with girls like my brothers, I’ve always just been odd. I been good at the things that don’t really matter. I don’t know I guess that as I’m growing I want to know what I’m good at, because maybe then I will know why I’m here. But then I guess you really can’t base your life’s calling off of what your good at, because what about the people that are good at bad things, are they meant to be bad? Are good liars meant to lie? Are crafty people meant to steal? I guess it really all boils down to what you love, and doing what you love. Each day I’m starting to believe more and more that I’m on this earth to do what I love. Those are the people who seem happiest. Those are the people that live the longest. There is a verse in the bible that says “where your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will be also.” I think that’s true, and I got the rest of my life to prove it.