I’ve been in a season of my life recently where I’ve been forced to face myself in the mirror. I had to address some horrible truths about myself, and some of the things that I deal with. I survey my heart when everything settles, and the kids are asleep and thephone is on the charger. I sit there in the silence and look over my life, and I realized that I was really broken in a lot of places. I guess I fooled myself into thinking that just because I was functioning and adhering to all my responsibilities and maintaining all my relationships that I was fine. I think that’s what a lot of people do unintentionally we focus on everything else in our worlds and deny ourselves. So I sat in my recliner in my living room, feeling dejected and morose and not knowing how I got this way, only I did know how I got to that point I just didn’t want to admit it. Isn’t it funny sometimes how absolutely aware we are of ourselves and the pains and the hurts that we harbor, but we act as if we’re fine? Maybe it’s just me that does that. But as I sat there taking inventory of myself one word trumpeted loudly in my soul: FORGIVENESS. Forgiveness for reasons that I won’t get into on this blog has quickly become the focus of my heart and mind and soul. I think that if you deny forgiving someone (which I have) you cease to grow, and so my life has slowed to a halt while I acknowledge the fact I need to forgive. Forgiveness is unique in the way that it must be practiced before it can be administered, by that I mean I don’t think it’s possible for a person to forgive someone if they can’t even forgive themselves. That’s my dilemma. I walk around with this weight, and guilt in my heart and I thought that it would help me as long as I remembered I would never make the same mistakes. I wouldn’t forgive myself. I didn’t realize that by my making that decisions I was punishing everyone.