fatherhood

One the most awesome and terrifying responsibilities that I have encountered is that of a father. Growing up, there really isn’t anything that can prepare you for it, especially in my case. Not only was I not prepared, I was immature and naive. I kind of shoved off the restraints that I should have embraced all for the sake of my own selfish desires. I just wanted to have fun and party. I wasn’t concerned about being a parent, and as a result of that I lost my son for a few years. I lost the way a son should look at a father. Elijah didn’t look at me like a hero, but more like someone he had to respect. That  is a feeling I wish on no father. One day when he is old enough to understand I will ask for his forgiveness. Until then I live with this constant feeling of guilt. I always feel to blame every time he makes a mistake or does something he shouldn’t, and maybe that’s my consequence for the years I spent not being a good dad. I don’t know…

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